The Chronicles of my new Adventures

It seems like it has been forever since I have written on this blog. I suppose 4 (+) months is a long time and a lot can happen! A lot has happened. In December I was finally accepting my singleness; I was ok with the fact I wasn't being pursued by anyone and I certainly wasn't going to be pursuing either. I was also thinking more about moving back up north after my program is finished (this summer). Everything changed after one weekend.

On December 18th I organized our parish's Christmas caroling to the homebound. Some of the choir members from one of our masses graciously volunteered their Friday night to join us. We had two routes and long story short, all of the young adults (three choir members, two others, and myself) were on one route with a few other people. After the caroling I was telling the young adult crew about our Ugly Christmas Sweater party the next night and asked everyone if they were going. Jeremy and Robert both said they'd be there.

The party was crazy, as the Christmas party usually is: lots of people, a silly white elephant gift exchange game, and many beverages. It kind of seemed like this Jeremy guy was into me - he'd come around me once in awhile and he'd get into pictures next to me and even asked if I'd take one of the two of us. Before he left for the night he asked if he could take me to lunch sometime. I agreed, not really sure exactly what that meant, but it was exciting nonetheless. When we both got home from the party we were on facebook and ended up chatting until 4 a.m. I told Jeremy I was leaving the next day to go home to Wisconsin for Christmas, so he asked if I'd like to do lunch on Sunday after Mass. Again, I agreed.

On Sunday I was pretty nervous. We seemed to hit it off while we were chatting (granted, it was chatting over the internet, late at night), and I assumed it was a date. Jeremy drove to the restaurant and he was such a gentleman about everything, he wouldn't let me touch the passenger door to his truck! He opened it for me, whether I was getting in or getting out. We ate a delicious pizza and answered questions about ourselves. I enjoyed my time and I looked forward to telling one of my roommates all about it.

While I was at home in Wisconsin we began talking on the phone. We shared some pretty late conversations and on Christmas day/night we talked for 7 or 9 hours. Maybe it wasn't 9 hours, but I don't quite remember. It was long and it was wonderful. We really got to know each other over the phone. There was an ease about sharing our lives with each other. Maybe it was too easy and happened too quickly. Maybe it was all meant to be. When I came back to Texas on December 30th Jeremy surprised me at work with some of my favorite candies. I was shaking when he was in my office, I was nervous again! It was easy when it was over the phone, but seeing him in person brought me back to reality. That night he cooked me a delicious dinner at his apartment, we watched a movie, and we hung out. Late, late that night we decided to make things official. We talked about it on the phone, so why not!? We both really liked each other.

A little over two months later, we still do. This relationship thing has been really new to me. The first few times Jeremy would say the word "relationship" I would get this weird feeling: Wow, this is real, I'm actually in a relationship. As stated in my previous post, I hadn't been in a relationship for over 4 years before I met Jeremy, so I had to learn, through the current experience, what being in a relationship means. I had read (most of) Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus, but that isn't real life. I'm still learning what it means to be in a relationship. Being a couple, sharing a part of our lives with each other, caring deeply for the other... experiencing the bad moods, whether it's mine or his, we kind of experience it together... the ups and downs, the disagreements and middle ground... thinking about the future... All these things go on while we also have to keep our own identities and not forget who we are as individuals.

Life was so different before Jeremy and now many things have changed, but I suppose that is to be expected. I am not implying these changes are negative, simply different. I think one experiences a lot more emotional when they're with someone... First of all, I have a companion to share my life with, the things that suck and the things that bring me joy, so the emotions that go with all of those things are probably built up a little bit since I can share them. I also experience my own joy and love simply being with Jeremy and knowing I am loved in return. And of course, like any relationship, I can get frustrated with him - yet more emotions! Those days that aren't the best only make the good days even better.

I know I have written a lot... but I felt I should share the update, and not simply the boring straight facts. This is life and life is messy, but it also has its many blessings, and my relationship with Jeremy is one of those.

God's Plan???

I just don't get it. I have been struggling with being single for over a year now... and look, still single! I'm sure God is using it for a greater good, I just can't see what it is right now. I tried the on-line dating thing, went on a few dates, but they didn't work out. I think I'm done with that for now. I may have had an ulterior motive of just wanting to break the streak of 4+ years of not having gone on a date. Not any real or "official" dates, that is. I've had my share of hanging out with guys, of interests and possibilities, but nothing was labeled as a date. When will my prince come, because I think I've been waiting long enough.

God Made us Wonderful

This past Saturday I gave a talk at a Mother and Daughter tea put on at our church. The talk was titled God Made us Wonderful and the audience were girls in grades 5-7th and their moms. I'm putting the talk on here, though it isn't complete, since I added stuff during it; these are mostly just my notes. At the end I really emphasized that they really are beautiful. So here it is:

Read Psalm 139: 13-17

You formed my inmost being; you knit me in my mother's womb.
I praise you, so wonderfully you made me; wonderful are
your works! My very self you knew; my bones were not hidden from you, When I was being made in secret, fashioned as in the depths of the earth. Your eyes foresaw
my actions; in your book all are written down; my days were shaped, before one
came to be. How precious to me are your designs, O God; how vast the sum of
them!

God made us wonderful! He created you to be just the way you are and He delights in you.

Imagine art class and having others compliment your piece of work, your creation. It feels great, you delight in those compliments, you are proud of your accomplishment.

Now imagine creating a piece of art that you find very beautiful, but others start to pick out things they don’t like: the colors are all wrong, it is too wide, it’s too tall, it isn’t symmetrical.

These criticisms don’t sound nice and they can hurt us, make us sad and maybe a little angry and upset. This is how God feels when we criticize His works of art, His creation – whether it is other girls and women around us or ourselves.

Let’s go back to the beginning…

“God created man in His own, in the divine image He created them, male and female He created them” – Genesis 1:27.

God created all of us in His image and likeness.

Think of nature…of delicate flowers, magnificent trees, and breathtaking sunsets. These things are beautiful, but they weren’t created in God’s image. It is like he was showing off; He made these things for fun! They’re samples of what is to come, of a
creation more breathtaking and beautiful.

His ultimate masterpiece is us. We, as humans, as women, were created in His image and likeness, so how much more beautiful we are than nature!

When God created Eve, she was the crown of creation, the finishing touch that brought perfection to the world. The world wasn’t right without her, there was something missing… Nothing else can fill her place.

Just like Eve, God has given us certain qualities that are unique to females. The feminine heart was created to be nurturing, tender, inviting, comforting, merciful, and beautiful.

Just how beauty is the essence of God, beauty is the essence of woman, both physical and spiritual.

The world seems to have an obsession with beauty. We are told that to be successful and popular we have to be beautiful, and to be beautiful means to buy all the right make-up, fashionable clothes, and have perfect hair. The pressures to be beautiful, as defined by the world, surround us every day.
-Show examples of ads for make-up, hair products, and perfume called “Beautiful” and “Pretty.”

What we see in ads isn’t real beauty – it’s computer generated and fixed by photoshop – created by humans. That perfection of beauty cannot be achieved by us!

We already have beauty bestowed upon us, God’s beauty, which is real and not fake.

It is not wrong for women to wear make-up and fashionable clothes, but it is unhealthy when it becomes and obsession and we look to outward appearances to be beautiful, to define who we are. The world asks us to hide who we truly are, but we need to let our real selves shine through! We really are more than meets the eye!

We each have gifts and talents that God has blessed us with, such as playing sports, an instrument, finding enjoyment in reading or being good at math. We all have things we like to do – nurture those, don’t hide them! It’s who we are and who we were created to be! Our beauty and our feminine heart can shine through these, no matter what they are.

Our beauty also shines through how we love others and ourselves. If God created all of us in His image and likeness and with a heart like His, then we need to start recognizing His beauty in others and love them.

We need to stop competing with others – the world isn’t a beauty pageant! In God’s Kingdom you are all Miss Universe. (It is not about who is prettier because we are all beautiful. We have to accept the unique traits we were given, such as curly or straight hair…)

When you wake up in the morning and look in the mirror,
remember that you were created from the beauty of God.

When you see another girl and you wish you could have her hair, her eyes, or her clothes,
remember that God created us all with beauty and with features unique to everyone.

On those days when you simply don’t feel beautiful…
remember that you are and that God would not have created you any other way
other than beautiful.

No one can take away your beauty, your dignity, or your feminine heart.

Be proud to be a girl because it sure is a lot of fun!

Thank you.

Simple Quote on Beauty

"The more beautiful a sunrise is, the more difficult it is to describe it."

-Paul Sabatier

Beauty

Yikes...it's been awhile. I've been meaning to write for awhile but things have been a little busy, so here we go, a month later.

Recently I've picked up Captivating, a book I read several years ago. I would highly suggest checking out the link because you can read a good portion of the book on-line. The subtitle to the book is "Unveiling the mystery of a woman's soul." Intriguing, isn't it? It is written by the author of Wild at Heart, John Eldredge, and his wife Stasi. Together these books explore what is at the heart of being a man and a woman. The basis of the books comes from the three desires of our hearts. The desires of a man's heart are a battle to fight, an adventure to go on, and a beauty to rescue. Captivating talks about these a bit, but focuses on the heart of a woman.

We think you'll find that every woman in her heart of hearts longs for three things: to be romanced, to play an irreplaceable role in a great adventure, and to unveil beauty. That's what makes a woman come alive.

The second chapter explores the relationship of God and these desires and it also goes more in depth by getting at the heart of "beauty." A few quotes I found myself underlining are:

Beauty is the essence of God.

Nature is not primarily functional. It is primarily beautiful.

Beauty is the essence of a woman...both a physical beauty and a
soulful/spiritual beauty.

...she expresses beauty simply in who she is. Like God, it is her
essence.

There are several attributes of beauty that are also discussed and I will simply state them here:

Beauty invites.

Beauty nourishes.

Beauty comforts.

Beauty inspires.

Beauty is transcendent.

Beauty is, without question, the most essential and the most misunderstood of all of God's qualities - of all feminine qualities too (p 40).

Reading this chapter has make me take at look at my own beauty and also the beauty of other women. It is quite amazing to be able to acknowledge that all women have a beauty to unveil, no matter who they are. Our 73-year-old bookkeeper has beauty, the 11-year-old girl at Mass at beauty, the woman speeding past me on the highway and the woman walking across the TCU campus all have a beauty to unveil.

One of the reasons why John and Stasi say that it is the most misunderstood of feminine qualities is because it causes so much pain. Women will put themselves through a lot to look and feel beautiful and some never realize that beauty is not simply their outward appearance but what they hold in their heart and the whispers of their soul. In over a month I will be giving a small 15-minute talk at our Mother/Daughter Tea on how God made us wonderful. The girls will be in grades 5th-7th and will be facing many of the issues society pushes upon them at young ages and they want to know the answer to the question "am I lovely?" I hope to get across to these girls, and their mothers, the importance of beauty, but what it truly means. We are beautiful no matter what, and simply by being a woman we radiate the beauty of God. If guys can't see that, they're idiots - sorry for such blunt language.

Yesterday I was talking with a guy friend about my struggles with guys down here. We were talking about flirting but then he brought up a good point... it is important to get to know the other person and have them get to know me - beyond the playful banter and small talk. He said that people see the happy, energetic side of me well before they see the down-to-earth, serious side. It's something I can definitely work on, letting the true me come out while also getting to know more about another, what their passions are, what bothers them, what brings them joy. Then he told me that "any guy who doesn't see [my great qualities] once he gets to know you is probably an idiot anyway so it's not worth worrying about." This all relates back to inner beauty and letting that shine through. Thanks, T. :)

From Eden to Disney

Maybe someone has already made this connection, maybe not... but today this revelation came to me... I wonder if there is any connection to the fruit of the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil and an apple that can cause death in fairy tales. Many people connect that forbidden fruit to apples. God gave Adam and Eve instructions to not eat the fruit of the tree "in the middle of the garden...lest you die" (Gen 3:3). And now fairy tales portray this fruit as "evil" and the wicked stepmothers try to allure the beautiful princess with a delicious apple, because what is harmful about an apple!? But surprise! It was poisonous. What you think won't kill you does, which is exactly what sin does... it allures us with its tempting pleasures and seductive outcomes, but in reality, our relationship with God is severed at each bite.

Be Satisfied with Me

Everyone longs to give themselves completely to someone,
To have a deep soul relationship with another,
To be loved thoroughly and exclusively.
But God, to a Christian, says,
"No, not until you are satisfied, fulfilled and content
With being loved by Me alone,With giving yourself totally and reservedly to Me,
With having an intensely personal and unique relationship
With Me alone.
Discovering that only in Me is your satisfaction to be found,
Will you be capable of the perfect human relationshipThat I have planned for you.
You will never be united with another until you are united
With Me alone,Exclusive of anyone or anything else,
Exclusive of any other desires or longings.

I want you to stop planning,
Stop wishing,
And allow Me to give you the most thrilling plan existing,
One that you cannot imagine.
Please allow Me to bring it to you.
You just keep watching Me, expecting the greatest things.
Keep experiencing the satisfaction that I Am.
Keep listening and learning the things I tell you.
You just wait.
That's all.
Don't be anxious.
Don't worry.
Don't look at the things you think you want;
You just keep looking off and away up to Me,
Or you'll miss what I want to show you.
And then when you are ready,I'll surprise you with a love far more wonderful than any
You could dream of.
You see, until you are ready and until
The one I have for you is ready
(I am working even at this moment to have you both ready at the same time),
Until you are both satisfied exclusively with Me
And the life I prepared for you,
You won't be able to experience the love that
Exemplified your relationship with Me.
And this is the perfect love.

And dear one, I want you to have this most wonderful love,
I want you to see in the flesh a picture of your
Relationship with Me,
And to enjoy materially and concretely
The everlasting union of beauty, perfection and love
That I offer you with Myself.
Know that I love utterly.
I Am God.
Believe it and be satisfied.

~ St. Anthony of Padua